Now they have experienced it themselves, they want to share with their community how St Helena Hospice “puts their arms around your shoulders”.

After various treatments for prostate cancer over 12 years, Ricky was referred to St Helena a year ago by his oncology specialist. A little apprehensive at first, Ricky soon began to look forward to visits to his home in Harwich by Emma, a hospice in the home clinical nurse specialist. He remembers:

“We thought hospice was just right at the end of life. Then I met the people and saw how nice they were, and I know now it's more than for the end of life. End of life is there, but there's a lot happening before that. I find it a lovely organisation that hasn't made me feel gloomy but has livened me up! It really made me feel better. It's one of those wonderful organisations we only read about in the obituary column."

“The big blow came when I got multiple myeloma and that affected both of us because he was then worrying about me.

“We both had trouble with chemo affecting us badly. The hospital staff were fabulous to us, everybody all really tried to help. Everybody has been so helpful and that means such a lot. But it did me really well because three and a half years on and I'm still ok, so I'm able to help him and he's able to help me and between us we muddle through. We have wonderful friends, and we've got fabulous daughters, and the grandkids are good, they'll do anything that'll help if we need it.”

Nurse Emma pays monthly visits to check on Ricky’s health and wellbeing, give advice on a range of topics, and to see how Anne and their family are feeling. In between visits, if they have questions or worries they know to phone SinglePoint day or night.

“We feel as though we've got an arm around our shoulders,” says Anne. “Although we knew about the hospice, we didn't know about what they did in the home; the intricacies of the actual way it works, all the good things that come. I don't feel as worried about the end, which will eventually come for both of us. I don't feel so worried about it now because I know there's this organisation that puts their arms around your shoulders.”

Ricky and Anne are open about the future with their three daughters, having important conversations about practicalities, finances and funerals, which often become light-hearted and full of affectionate laughter, helping them to address the things that matter to them as a family.

Ricky has expressed his preferences by completing his My Care Choices Record, which is held on the My Care Choices Register; an electronic record of a person’s decisions about the kind of care they wish to receive in the future if they were more unwell, and their preference for the place of care at end of life.

Ricky says: “I've answered all the questions, I'm not scared. Life is life, isn’t it really? Life is what it is. Life is what you make it. I know I'm ill and I've had a bloody good innings and I'm grateful. Every day is a bonus.

“Every time I think 2022, is this the last year? Or my favourite flowering plant out there in the garden that comes once a year; last year I thought, will I see it again? Now I am seeing it again, it's come up! It's a flowering cherry and I love it.”

This story may not be published elsewhere without express permission from St Helena Hospice.