I walked into the flat and I was introduced to Neil and oh my goodness, I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I was 22 when I met him. Nothing could separate us, nothing. There was no Neil or Pete, it was Neil and Pete. 

When Neil was 17 or 18 he hitchhiked from Rhodesia (now called Zimbabwe) to England. He found a job and he fell in love with England. We'd been together maybe a month or two and were just chatting; you know when you're newly in love and everything is going hunky dory, you chat. And he said to me ‘I want to die in England.’ He got his wish. We came over 14 years ago and I must say it's the most beautiful country. We love it, I love it, Neil loved it.

Neil was a very kind, well spoken, extremely well educated gentleman. He was the most loving adoring person one could ever wish to find. He never found fault with people. He never used bad language, people would ask 'don't you swear?' And he would say ‘no, I'll leave that to Pete, he does enough for both of us!’

He loved all the old films, he adored royalty. He taught me to love opera. When we first met 47 years ago he was crazy about an opera singer, and I can't tell you how much I didn't like opera. After about six months of us being together, I decided to listen to one of her operas and by the end of it I'd fallen in love with this lady, and I was allowed to take over the role of being her cheerleader. He taught me so much. We’d found something he liked and I liked and we could now grow it.  

The Occupational Therapist had been to our home to arrange a bed. An assessment one Saturday and by Monday afternoon they were here fitting handrails. The following day a gentleman arrived with a bed raiser. Everyone in the Occupational Therapy and Physiotherapy departments was outstanding. They would come in and have a little chat. We were spoken to as a couple and I think that gave Neil great comfort, because Neil’s partner was also of great concern.

Boulders were lifted from my pockets

The first impression when we walked in The Hospice was one of such relaxation. I was expecting great tension, a lot of angst and distress, but none of those appeared at all. The ladies at reception were absolutely adorable, all of them. I suddenly felt these boulders being lifted from my pockets and being replaced with stones. It was just so loving, so kind.

Neil was shown to his bed and it wasn't long before a lovely nurse and a doctor came in to see us. My goodness me, they put you at such great ease, asked all the right questions and didn't mind you talking about yourself. I think they realised what kind of relationship Neil and I had; there was no shock, horror.

I cannot praise them enough because while they were busy talking, they were removing the stones now and replacing the stones with little pebbles.  

Making choices

We were able to talk openly about his death. It was very difficult.

Neil had put an Advance Care Plan in place while he was perfectly healthy; all the things he wanted, his preferred priorities of care. And he’d spoken to our St Helena community nurse about the My Care Choices Register.

All of that was in place. It made it a bit easier because those difficult conversations had already been had when he was well enough to talk about it. Our nurse helped us fill in the form; I was in shock when she was calling out all these things, thinking my goodness, this really is something serious.

I did voice my concern that I was finding it so hard and I wanted to say so much to him - not that I hadn’t said it already, but right then it was more important he knew how I felt. And they were so sweet and immediately accommodated me. Let’s see what we can do, was the response - and they did it. They wheeled us into another room and when he woke up I said, I can sleep here with you, we can have our friends here, we have this whole big room all to ourselves. 

To Pete

After he died I went onto his computer because I wanted to find his 60th birthday video so I could watch it and have another hour or so with him. I entered ‘Neil or Pete’ into the search bar and I found the video, but there were other documents there and one said To Pete. He had left me a goodbye greeting. He thanked me for all the years we've been together, and it's the most beautiful farewell note. Something I shall treasure for all my life. And to me, just showed Neil right up to the end, always thinking about others, never thinking about himself.

We really were so lucky. As much as I hated going through what we went through I really wouldn’t trade it for one moment with waking up and finding Neil dead. We’d said everything we could possibly think of and went through our memories together and made more. 

This story may not be published elsewhere without express permission from St Helena Hospice.